A MODEST PROPOSAL
For preventing the debts of poor people in the Kingdom of the Greeks,from being a burden on
The German Peoples or their Creditors and for making them beneficial to the publick.
It is a melancholy object to those, who walk through the Capital of The Greeks, or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads and cabbin-doors crowded with the families of those who have taken their own lives, followed by three, four, or six kith and kin, all in black, and imploring every passenger for justice. These descendants of Pericles and Aristotle instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in stroling to beg sustenance for their helpless offspring who, as they grow up, either turn to Godless anarchism for want of work, or leave their dear native country, to work in the Factories in the lands of the North, or sell themselves to dens of inequity.
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the Greeks: it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of those of the race of the Germans who at a certain age, become prone with the passage of time to the corrupting effects of Nature's hand upon our weak flesh.
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years, upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our Economists, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true, a man who has take his own life is: at most has not the value of above a few hundred euros, which the family of the Departed may not even receive, I propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their creditors, or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the Reduction of the Nation's Debt, and partly to the cloathing of many thousands.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.I have been assured by a very knowing Doctor of my acquaintance in London, that a healthy Greek well nursed, is, a most suitable nourishing and wholesome Donor of humane organs, whether heart, liver, kidney, or pancreas; and I make no doubt that it will equally be of service in a male or a female.
Supposing that one thousand families in the state of the Germans, would be constant customers for fresh organs, besides others who might have need of them on other occasions, particularly after misfortunes upon the King's road, I compute that Athens would take off annually about one thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining two thousand.
But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging Europe. For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in ice, although perhaps I could name other countries, which would be glad to use up the whole nations supply of Internal Organs without a second thought.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion, as to reject any offer, proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider these points.
As things now stand, how Greeks will be able to find food and raiment for a an countless multitude of useless mouths of backs. And secondly, There being a round ten million of creatures in humane figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock, would leave them in debt billions of euros, adding those who are beggars by profession, to the bulk of farmers, publick servents and labourers, with their wives and children, who are beggars in effect;
I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the families of these Damned Souls, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have their Departed ones sold for their organs, in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes, as The Greeks have since gone through, by the oppression of bankers, the impossibility of paying debts without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor cloaths to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of intailing the like, or greater miseries, upon their breed for ever.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavouring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the publick good of both the Greek and the German Races, by advancing this trade, providing for the infirm, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to those God has seen fit to make Rich through banking and other noble trades. I, like the Continental Body Poliltick have no organs worth the name, by which I can propose to get a single penny; being of advanced years, and my body past saving.
Apologies in advance to fans of Jonathan Swift's original.
Inspired by the these two stories;
and
